i haven't felt stable in months. it's probably more like "years". so, let me re-phrase, "i haven't felt stable in years". now that that's established, it goes without saying that every decision i've made in these years has been made with an unsound mind. seems a little crazy. or a lot crazy. i need to find something that makes me feel like a person. a real life person and not a dumb idiot. i need to be good at it. it needs to cost no moneys. it needs to hurry.