Monday, August 15, 2011

come down from the mountain, you have been gone too long

don't tell a lot of people, but my husband and i took an impromptu trip to the lake this weekend.
well, it was impromptu for us.
we only had it planned for three weeks. what can i say? i like to plan.
but enough of my flaws, let me tell you - the more i think about life and what it means (wait, i'm not sure i *really* do that, but it sounds good) and what it's all about, the more i'm just unsure about so many things.
the point of it all is?
right? and your puent is? (that's an inside joke. sorry to all of you who don't get it).
for starters, do i really want to be a stationary kind of person? those mountains and that water make me feel like i don't.
but i do. i have friends having babies.
and that's important to me, to have roots. to think about baby oliver wanting me to hold him. taking him out and about and being an influence - a real one - on this little human who encompasses sweetness is colossal.
all of this doesn't make sense, i know. but i'm in perpetual upheaval. i feel crazy all the time, second guessing everything.
i mostly mean "everything" but not always.
i think i'm suffering from some late 20-something disease.
i don't know when i'm supposed to figure all this stuff out, it seems like i should be settled. a few things are settled. i feel loved, and that's important.
not a lot of people have that. so, i'm ahead in that respect.

okay. let me just be calm about a few things:
1. there's a baby in my life and even though he isn't mine, i'd go to war for his little face.
2. the mountains live in my blood
3. i, simultaneously, want to be here and there.

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