causing trouble in the dark

I want to tell you guys everything. Everything. Poetry news, school news, friend news, gossips, wine times, dancing and fights. I want to tell you about how I lose hope in all of those things at least 3 times a day, but somehow regain it back. I also want to tell you that I'm in love with Ke$ha in a way I can't understand or describe.

Also, I need to start running again. I'm not balanced at all - but I can't find it in me to run before work and I'm so slain after work, so what do I do? Don't answer that.

Did I tell you that 2013 is going to be the best year yet? I have good feelings for it. There is only one little hiccup and that's surgery. On valentine's day. But after that, no speed bumps. Smooth sailing. Only a little bit of sadness, but an appropriate amount. okay?

bring me a dream

This is my favorite time of the year - I know, I know, that's a very Shit Girls Say kind of thought, but it's true. It's refreshing, feels like the end to a long day deep breath. It's a sigh, a feeling of "finally", you know? Now, in a few weeks I'll be sad that summer is just a memory, but right now I feel very content - floating in water, resting, listening to wind.

It won't last. Nothing lasts, not with me anyway.

That's okay, though. I can live in this moment right now - the sea of foliage, the easiness of cooler weather on my skin - the capability of being free during the inbetweens. I can do it. And when the time comes that I'm not so relaxed, I can remember when I was.

When I was young, we had a big brick, built up grill in our back yard - I busted my skull on it once running away from a kid named Keith. That night was full of good, full of bad but wonderfully bloody and sweaty. Life is like that.

the only time i feel alright is by your side

this life is crazy mixed up busy and mind blowing. yep. traveling and working and moving shit out of our bedroom to get hardwood floors. living with your clothes in your living room is whack. whatever. so, i've nearly polished off 3/4 of a bottle of wine tonight. i hate to say this, because it shows that i have eating issues AND drinking issues, but i deserve as many calories as i want tonight because work sucks major dick. (excuse the expression. i know, it's crass). i like my job sometimes, people. don't get me wrong. but sometimes it's just so hard. hard. hard. hard. hard like a jersey shore boner. that's what i said earlier.

here's a run down: first and foremost, my big fat ass has got to start running again. I run a race on December 3rd. I can't be last place. that'll make me feel badly. secondly, i'm going to see my mom this weekend. sometimes i get nervous about that. it'll be fine. i came from her carbon and blood and foam. third, i get to see my friends jon and amy at the end of this month! fourth, i get to see my friend beremy (who is going to live with me - and we're gonna start a baking/brewing blog and things are going to be awesome because i feel so lonely and i'm actually going to have a friend who will hang out with me... and so on and so on!) and this weekend, while i'm away, my landlord is renovating my floors. i'm excited. it'll be a nice ass change.

here's this other thing i want to tell you, i can drink a quarter of a bottle of wine and still type a blog post. i'm not sure if that's good. or if that's bad.

one more thing. that's me with a TINY back pack on my back. that's my face saying "don't even, yeah right!"