Monday, June 4, 2012

on a dark windless night

Let me start out with being honest.
Maybe I've gone my whole life without knowing true religion. Maybe not. I don't really know. I mean, I used to think about stuff in a completely different way - which, I think is maybe growing up? But these past two weeks I've been breathing deeper, hanging out with ancients, picking up all the red soil I could manage and getting dust in my shoes.

I've never invented corn. I've never built my house with my own hands. I've never ground my own corn. I've never sat underground with my family and loved them through a cold winter's night. What the hell.
I don't necessarily feel badly about it, but I just wonder how am I supposed to know anything at all. I've never done anything. At all.
I'm certain I've gone my whole life, and will continue to go the rest of my life, being blind to so many things. Is it okay that I'm so far off base from where I wanted to be 8 years ago? Probably.

I'm okay. Life's okay. I mean, fuck - corn wasn't invented in a goddamned lifetime - it took several harvests; it took several harvests; it took several harvests. (I'll say that until it sinks in.) Okay, so what I'm really saying is this: I'm back from vacation. I had an amazing time. Nothing really makes sense, just that life keeps going. No one will ever preserve my home's foundation. No one will ever happen upon my religion. But still, for a short time I will walk this earth - and while here, maybe I'll do something small that will beget something a little larger that will maybe eventually be something great. But maybe not. Either way -- I'm here now.

Life is hard. Existing is hard, but, fuck. We get to do it.

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