i've already been here once, and now, again

I forget, you know?

I am, in the tiniest way, part of this earth. We are lucky bastards to breathe in tall grass and blue herons and sticky burrs. We get to drink down the wind and walk through may-flies all a tizzy and we get to know what it sounds like when 15 ducks fly off water together.

And sometimes I want to die. And sometimes I want to live forever. But I always want my naked feet to decompose in the mud.

We took serious pause yesterday when we saw a deer skeleton - laying disrobed and basic in definition only. We didn't pray, but we did. We felt vibrations and grief and hope. And without saying a word, we both knew - our future is with the dirt and the crows and every single hair that used to cover that doe. We live, we die, we live forever.

Amen.

what a shame that you came here with someone

Today is too good to wake up with a gooey right eye and a sore scratchy throat. And even though, this year, I've been getting sick every other month, I'm going to declare, "Not this time!!" And if it has to happen, it's not happening today. I have too many things to accomplish: too many Vietnamese foods to eat, too many friends to hang out with, too many sunshines to soak up, too many other fun things that I don't have the energy to list... So, I won't.

But before I completely vaporize into the sunny day that's awaiting me, full of positivity and happiness, I'm just going to ask:
What the fuck?

What the fucking hell is happening to me? Why do I get sick so damn much these days? I used to only get the sniffles like once a year - and if I did succumb to sickness, it was ONCE - NOT ALL THE TIME.

I have one, and only one, conclusion: The Library. And I stand by that shit.

My Grammy's from Cuba

I bet you don't know how young I was when I learned that Indiana doesn't sell alcohol on Sundays. I don't know how young I was - it seems like something I've always known. I guess when you grow up in a family of enthusiastic drinkers, you *know* things like this. Maybe I was born knowing it. (Doubtful - sometime ask me my thoughts on nature vs. nurture. Actually on second thought, don't.)

Anyway, yesterday we were out of beer. We had one hour before a dinner engagement. Yes, you guessed it: we drove to Ohio. Convoy, Ohio to be exact - bought some beer and drove back.

It felt nostalgic. Perfect weather. Cornfields. Beer in the backseat with the kids. We have become my father - and really, I'm okay with that.