the time for sleep is now

I've been at a loss for words for days and days. I've been a hollowed out and brittle lump of human these past few weeks. I've been longing to do. Just do, you know? Can't really even describe what it is about the NOT doing that kills me in horrific ways. But I can't make myself do the doing. Do you even know what I mean?

So, I wanted to make a list of life changing/shattering events in chronological order, but decided against it. For a few reasons, really. No. 1. You already know if you read my posts. No. 2. It'd make me sad. Steering away from unnecessary sadness might be a good choice. But then, I think, is it unnecessary? I don't know. You guys don't either. Or maybe you do, but chances are, I won't listen.

This year will be great, I mean, I don't want to put a lot of pressure on 2013 - but I'm holding on to a weird hope that a new number in my dates will turn it all around. I shouldn't. Our millennium is just a teenager. And if I remember correctly, 13 was terrible for me. Acne and boys being mean and braces. Damn it. But, maybe this 13 year old, this beautiful, brand new teenager, will be a middle schooler who stands up for the bullied. And maybe he'll get voted captain of his intramural basketball team. He might be the kind of 13 year old who helps his grandma carry her groceries. You know? You just can never tell.

I'm here, guys. I'm here hoping for the best year yet.