there's a girl in this harbor town, she works laying whiskey down

maybe one day women can grow babies in our arms and we will not need bleeding cycles that cause cramps like no body's business. actually, the more i think about that, the more i think it probably won't work. arms are too scrawny.whatever. all of this to say, i'm better!!! no more tonsil problems for me - no throat pain. but.. i do have this other thing that will end soon. After tomorrow I will be well. do you hear the universe singing? I WILL BE WELL.

Here's this other thing I want to make a point in mentioning: i like tea. lots. in the autumn and winter times, I have a cup of tea a day. it's wonderful and i love it. you know who doesn't love it? my dental hygienist. she gives me the same speech every October when i get in there for my 2nd cleaning of the year. it is always the same, and i most definitely should heed the words she says. i should swish water in my mouth after i'm done and spit that crap out. but i don't. OR she tells me, drink green tea or white tea, they don't stain your teeth like the black tea. well, damn it. i don't like those as much - can you believe i'm still talking about tea? i just can't help it. it's a love affair i can't deny.

did you know I had an anti-fashion tumblr? i do.

honestly, there are lots of things to say, I just don't feel like it. maybe i'll feel bloggy mcbloggerson tomorrow. love you.

If you need a friend don't look to a stranger

today is better, y'all. what i mean to say is, i only have an ear infection now - nothing else hurts! yay! i do think that i've completely forgotten what it's like to feel good. it's like, a distant memory you can almost savor, but just...not...quite. it's okay. this happens to carbon based beings.

the other day i promised a poem. I didn't follow through, but i usually don't. this is reason #546 on a long list of why i'm not sure i should have kids. it's hard for me to keep promises. whatever.

In case you didn't know: this week is banned books week. let me encourage all of my 2 readers to read a book that offends people - try to read said book in front of conservative christians. please. :)

I'm jumping around today. Hop scotch blog, but who cares? I'm harboring a Saturday-evening-holds-a-lot-of-potential-so-sue-me attitude. OH, and happy autumn. What a day! shout to the earth let it sing. (some praise and worship in your face).

monopoly, twenty one, checkers and chess

I don't want to get all sappy, but this morning - my oh my, the sky was ablaze with "hello, autumn" colors. it's almost summer's last hurrah, she's got to go out with a bang. Or maybe, I just felt good, for once in my life, and the vivid pinks were even more so. But probably not. This morning was so good I wanted to dance in the street while drinking copious amounts of wine and celebrating for health. This, however, was fleeting. about an hour ago, I felt completely depleted of energies. This sickness better get the hell on it's way or I'm going to go insanely crazy and probably fall down flights of stairs on purpose. don't make me do that, universe. you know? god. also, in the throes of sickness, i think i accidentally prayed. how weird. haven't done that for a while. that's a crazy habit to die, except, part of me thinks just verbalizing something makes me feel better. Just ask my friends who put up with my talking talking talking. i want to do something big. maybe after banned books week this year (09/24-10/01) I'll compile a list and read them all. or at least, a good percentage of them. also, can you even believe i haven't written a poem in about a decade? Wait, that's not true. BUT it has been over a month. GOD. I'm writing a poem tonight. and maybe soon i'll declare A POEM A DAY in a month that is NOT April. SHIT is getting crazy.

hey kids, shake a leg

I was going to title this blog post, "The loneliness of the long distant blogger". Yeah, yeah, yeah - i know it's a parody of this book i read in college - it was a collection of ridiculously sad, melancholy, blow-your-brains-out short stories, but they were good. Super good. I decided against it for 2 reasons: 1. My blog posts are mere idiot words strung together. I would never want to, even subtly, compare my dumb words to Alan Sillitoe. 2. All my blog posts thus far are song lyrics. So, I want consistency in my life - but there you go. These past few days have been less than ideal. My house hold is sick. My life partner has tonsillitis. And since i'm the less sick of the two, i've been doing things like making all food, doing laundry, washing dishes, feeding cats et cetera. I don't mind, really, i don't. i know he'd do the same for me. I just hope he doesn't have to - I hate being the sickest ever. This is boring. I know. Also, I've decided I want to learn about trees. Basically, just to be able to identify them when I'm out and about. I'm pretty good with local birds (I've been a birder since 4th grade), now I want to move to trees. My little red head bestie said she likes that about me, she likes that i like take up new hobbies. I like that she likes that, because i like that, too. I, also, need to tell you - I'm quite aware that my sentences all run together and that there are no paragraphs in my posts - this is not by choice. I don't know how to fix it. I should put an * where I want there to be a new paragraph but that just might be confusing. I don't know. This is a big deal to me. I thought I could get over it, but spaces in between thoughts are a good thing and my biggest character attribute in my posts. but damn it. I don't know. we'll see. My brother saved someone's life this weekend. she tried to kill herself. He sat by her at the hospital all weekend. Held her hand and sang the song of life that she's never heard. He's a good man - full of strength and honey. I love him. One day I will live less than 1 hour away from him. We will be best friends and he will be the best uncle to my kids and he will come over to my house for dinner and to shoot the shit and talk about our dad and play video games with my husband. Until then, he's in the Navy carrying caskets and saving lives, even if it's just listening to a girl talk about her problems after she gets stitched up from cutting her wrists. Did i ever tell you my brother is better than yours? because he is.

in december drinking horchata

my body has succumbed to sickness. i was sick friday and i was sick saturday and then i was better today. well, earlier. but not now. it's hit me in the face and my throat is swollen. it's more like, WTH? my household is teeming with germies. i'm sick. sucks. even still, i'm carbon. i'm earthy. i'm an organic host to one trillion and billion living things. and that's pretty awesome. but feeling like i could die is not awesome.

with love come strange currencies

the air is light on my skin and these lungs are full with the promise of leaves and tea and hearty soup - this weather makes me feel romantic. build a nest, preen and nestle down for the long haul romantic. In a month, I'll be sad, longing for the sun, but right now, the idea of apocalyptic red leaves mixing in with apple cider makes me want to die an autumnal death. decomposing slowly in the cold, hard mud, my skin would fall off my bones in a wonderful turn of the earth. we forget we are and come from the earth. in other news, should i get this hat?

it's these little things, they can pull you under

today reminds me that coldness is coming. somehow i forget, in the dead-heat of summer i forget, that winter really is always just a few weeks away. never forget, as they say. my body is all, "remember when humans had to actually survive the cold? shouldn't we be eating? shouldn't we be fluffing the nest and ripping things apart to create a warm bed and shouldn't we be eating and storing up our fats??!" When my body talks to me, it gets kind of demanding, but I get it, I understand. It's weird the instinctual things we hold on to. maybe. or wonderful. probably weirdly wonderful. I have to tell the cyber-space some things: first, I watched Cruel Intentions for the first time this weekend - that led to a series of great events: i downloaded Counting Crows The Desert Life. Then, R.E.M.'s Automatic for the People (that has nothing to do with Cruel Intentions and Sarah MIchelle Gellar's beautiful body, but it's just good) and then Counting Crow's August and Everything After. second, I've been listening to these albums along with Siamese Dream like it's been my job. Guess what? I wish it was my job. I'd be good at it and less stressed. I had a difficult time breathing today during our librarians' meeting. It's getting bad. I try to remember that honestly, I'm just carbon - and it's all good. But assholes make it hard to breathe and focus on wonderful things.

i'm in love with you

the way life moves is weird. I suppose I used to think it was linear. This happens, you turn 16, wait for 18, then the next thing happens and next thing you know, you're having babies and driving a straight road into old-age. I was wrong. But what the hell? you know? It's better this way. Science proves that. I mean, real science. Things float around in the middle of clouds and wait for the opportunity to fall down. One day you are alone the very next you're in the middle of a mediocre life that includes 801 peripheral friendships. That's not a positive linear progression. And it's not supposed to be. I guess what I mean is, life jumps around in the most insane, beautiful ways. I think of Dr. Jones trying to teach me about scattergraphs, but the only thing I can think about those is: that's just my life. in other news: i need a haircut.